Could I make this into something?
art, modeling, and anti-capitalism
A TikTok popped up on my feed which I can’t find anymore. Some musician guy was venting about being a musician in the era of social media. To paraphrase, he said that he spends more time making content to build an audience, than he does making music. Because in order for someone to be a successful artist, you must have a large group of listeners. I think he’s right, and it seems like this is true for a lot of musicians on TikTok because as I was trying to find this damn video I got plenty of other ones saying the same thing. “Content Burnout” was a recommended search that I was using a lot. But what surprised me (i shouldn’t have been) was that there were more videos about how to make content as a TikTok musician than just musicians complaining. ‘How to beat content burnout’, ‘Tips for promoting your music’, and ‘5 things you’re doing wrong when promoting your music’ were all titles or search answers to the question of ‘Why isn’t anyone listening to my music?’ Ironically, it seems like it is more lucrative to make TikToks about making TikToks than it is to make music.
After I watched this random musician's video I was dissatisfied with his complacency. Maybe I’m being a bit harsh but is there really no other alternative for him? In his perspective this is the way the music industry is now: you have to blow up on TikTok and then you’ll get your contract. And if you’re someone like, let's say, Beyonce (yes, he says this) then you don’t have to make content outside of your art. Why can’t we go back to the good ol’ days when musicians just made music? The Beatles never had to deal with this (he says this too). Music must be dead because I can’t be a musician that’s rich and famous.
One of the TikToks I found in my search for the video in question. I think it highlights the mindset (lol grindset) that I’m trying to describe.
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Not to sound like my mother, but if you would rather just make music and not make content, then is there anything stopping you from doing that? Assuming you’re not a full-time musician already, but if you are already doing this on top of a job you don’t want then what was the point to begin with? Fame, wealth, money, the American Dream? and then what, you get to go be Beyonce?
I’m not gonna grill on this guy’s video anymore since his feelings are valid (and for all you know he may not even exist). To profit from your art you have to be platformed. Social media in all its chaos should allow anyone to be seen but it's difficult to control and people get full-on degrees to do this. It sucks to have to do all this just to get your art out there; just to be able to sustain yourself off your own work. But capitalism asks this of all of us. How much is our art worth? How much are you worth? We must give more of ourselves than what it could ever possibly be worth. I think what bothered me about his video was that I couldn’t find an easy answer either, aside from an end to Capitalism. I guess my question now is, how much is your (my) vanity worth?
I wanted to share my modeling digitals just to say that I know what rejection is like. I’ve probably sent these photos to around 15 different agencies in the span of a few months. Maybe that’s embarrassingly too many or maybe I didn’t try hard enough. I also know that people rarely get signed from sending their digitals to any old random agency that they see on Instagram.
I once (naively) thought that becoming a signed and booked model would grant me an escape from capitalism as I knew it. It would inspire me with free time away from the toil of minimum wage retail or food service that continues to drain so much of me. I would get paid well for a couple of shoots and then scurry off to do whatever I wanted, but I know there’s more to it than that. Advertisement is the well-worn tool of profit. To become a person within that industry or even the face of one would make me complicit in the continuation of this tired oppressive system. I don’t blame any working model for doing what they are doing. From the bottom, you take any check that comes your way.
I had a good friend who shared this dream with me. She would tell me what she knew about the industry, different agencies, and models that she came in contact with. She worked very hard on her social media presence. Her Tiktoks were so artistic and enigmatic and it's what honestly got her signed. When she ended our friendship because she felt I was using her, I couldn’t help but feel guilty. In a way she was right. When she told me she got signed to an agency, I was so happy for her, but I also hoped she could help me in some way. She had just moved to New York and I was working retail full-time in AZ. I took a week off to visit her during fashion week and on the night before my flight she dumped me over the phone.
I don’t want to paint any villains here; of myself or her, but these feelings came up again recently when I saw that she was on a campaign for a major luxury brand. I was excited for her and then sad cause couldn’t call or text her, and then jealous that she had ‘made it’ without me. And really, I don’t have a right to be jealous of her. It had been a year since we last spoke. I’m not signed and I hadn’t been trying to get signed for a couple of months. Seeing what she had to do and whose lives she chose to leave, made me fear for what a career like this might cost me. There’s a lot of sacrifice to being a model (like any paid art form), especially if there’s no nepotism involved. I think of what she had to compromise in those situations like financial stability, and the freedom to control your own image. This is all leveraged for a potential gig. The choice of who to work with is not yours, especially if it’s unpaid. I don’t have a major following and nor do I put much effort into creating one. I lack that kind of fortitude, or bravery maybe.
When I danced competitively in high school, I used to think of my body as a canvas, but as I try to break into an industry where my body becomes a product by way of image, I realize that it feels less like a medium for art and more like a model home.
When a white bathroom is dirty, everything is more pronounced. My dark hair sticks to the white walls and white countertops. There are specks on the mirror and if I spend the day cleaning, it will be dirty in the next hour. My body feels like it is under a similar dogmatic scrutiny. Nobody cares how clean your bathroom is (i guess unless it's really unhygienic). And maybe no one is telling me this, but these are the rules and they change all of the time. Right now my twinkish body is ‘in’. My height helps but everyone is already tall so it doesn’t do much in some ways. I don’t like my skin; it’s covered in scars, bumps, and stretch marks. The irony is that these dysmorphic rules can be trumped by your ability to profit. Modeling as an industry, is heavily tied to capital, even for the models, as models themselves.
Modeling isn’t a career that is influential in itself anymore. Models must now create content or at least have a major hobby or side hustle to base a persona around. I think of Alex Consani and her wild ass TikToks or Ella Emhoff and her crocheting videos. Alex is refreshing because she isn’t making content that tries to please, she just does stupid shit in public while the camera is on her. It doesn’t seem as forced and that’s the trick. It’s about maintaining influence or at least relevance in the public eye like you’re not even trying. Maybe that’s what I want this blog to be: a casual hobby to pair with my profitable modeling career (lmao). The compromise runs deeper as you lose control over your image, its purpose, and who uses it. All the horrifying bits of the fashion industry and its role in the global oppression of people for cheap labor and resources are hidden. If I had the chance to be a part of that, I’d feel complacent. The artistry of it all doesn’t change the fact that this is all still an advertisement.
I’ve been modeling for local photographers, just for fun (girl, it’s unpaid). For artists and small brands, usually all friends or friends of friends. Phoenix has surprised me with its talent and graciousness. No matter where you go there is a community of workers, laborers, and artists that are wanting to just do something. I’ve gotten to see and be a part of other people’s creations and it's been such a blessing. I want to say something about this. This blog is like a personal thing and I also want it to contribute. I’d like to think most people feel like they have something to give and it’s always to inspire. To me, modeling, music, or any kind of artistry is about inspiration. Without capitalism or consumerism (-isms) this inspiration is taken inward and transformed into something new, not into a purchase. Like a dialectic or whatever Hegel said.
The thing that makes you money doesn’t make you free. I thought I already knew this but now I’ve learned again.
great first post!